By LILLIAN GISSEN FOR DAILYMAIL.COM
PUBLISHED: 07:09 EDT, 15 April 2023 | UPDATED: 12:25 EDT, 17 April 2023
EXCLUSIVE: Mom-of-three who shared an apartment with her EX-husband so they could keep co-parenting the kids lifts the lid on their VERY unique living situation – from setting ‘boundaries’ to jealousy over dating
- Beth Behrendt, 54, from Indiana, split from her 58-year-old husband, Bill, in 2014
- But the pair did not want their kids to have to spend time between two homes
- Instead, the children stayed in one place while she and Bill went back and forth
A mother-of-three who shared an apartment with her ex-husband while they took turns parenting their kids at the family home has shared the rules they set to make it work – and revealed how they avoided jealousy when they started dating.
Back in 2014, Beth Behrendt, now 54, said she and her husband of 18 years, Bill, now 58, wanted to get a divorce – but were worried about having to uproot their three young children’s lives.
The pair, from Fort Wayne, Indiana, decided that instead of making their children – Jack, now 21, Mick, now 19, and Max, now 15 – split their time between two homes – they would stay in one place while the former couple shuttled back and forth.
Back in 2014, Beth Behrendt, now 54, said she and her husband of 18 years, Bill, now 58, wanted to get a divorce – but were worried about having to uproot their three young children’s lives.
The pair, from Fort Wayne, Indiana, decided that instead of making their children – Jack, now 21, Mick, now 19, and Max, now 15 – split their time between two homes – they would stay in one place while the former couple shuttled back and forth.
Mother-of-three Beth Behrendt, who shared an apartment with her ex-husband while they took turns parenting their kids at the family home, has shared the rules they set to make it work
In 2014, Beth, now 54, from Indiana, said she and her husband of 18-years, Bill (seen at their wedding), 58, wanted to divorce – but were worried about uprooting their kids’ lives
They decided that instead of making their children – Jack, now 21, Mick, now 19, and Max, now 15 – split their time between two homes – Beth and Bill would be the ones to go back and forth
They purchased a one-bedroom apartment together and one would stay there while the other went to the family home (seen) to watch the kids be the ones to go back and forth
Sharing a space with your ex after going through a divorce certainly came with its challenges – but Beth recently spoke to DailyMail.com about the guidelines that they put in place to ensure things never turned ugly.
According to the mother-of-three, she and Bill made sure that they were never at the apartment or house at the same time.
They also both worked hard to keep the space clean and respect each other’s ‘boundaries.’
‘We were really careful about not overlapping at all because the emotions were really high around the divorce happening,’ she explained.
‘But it was challenging because even though we weren’t in the same place at the same time, you still know the other person had been there.’
‘You don’t want to come into a dirty place. We really tried to be respectful of the space and not leave anything behind but naturally you know someone else is living there and you wonder what they’ve been doing.’
She also said they had ‘strict rules’ when it came to communicating about their relationship.
They vowed never to discuss anything pertaining to the divorce in either home, but instead, would meet in a public setting to talk about it.
Beth (pictured with her kids) recently spoke to DailyMail.com about the guidelines she and Bill put in place while sharing an apartment to ensure things never turned ugly
According to the mother-of-three, she and Bill (seen with their son) made sure that they were never at the apartment or house at the same time
Issuing advice for others who might want to try it for themselves, Beth said you have to remember to ‘live your own life’ despite sharing your living space with your ex.
When it came time for them to start dating again, she said the key to avoiding ‘jealousy’ was being very open about the situation with potential new partners from the get-go.
‘I would bring it up in practically the first conversation, or definitely during the first meeting that I had with someone because I felt like, while it was a complicated thing it was also something really important to me – so if this person had a problem with it, I kind of wanted to know right away,’ she said.
‘I needed to be clear that it wasn’t about getting back together with my ex – we were divorced – it was just something we were doing for our kids.
‘You have to be willing to talk about it with strangers, but I feel that most people were really supportive.
They also both worked hard to keep the space clean and respect each other’s ‘boundaries.’ They are seen with their kids
She also said they had ‘strict rules’ when it came to communicating about their relationship. The former couple is seen above with their son
They vowed never to discuss anything pertaining to the divorce in either home, but instead, would meet in a public setting to talk about it. Bill is seen outside the family home they shared
‘I know from other nesters there’s been some issues with jealousy or confusion, but I think if you’re upfront about it and show the person that you’re dating that you’re dating them and it’s not about what’s going on with your ex, [it’ll be fine].’
Beth said she and Bill also decided that they wouldn’t introduce any of their new lovers to the kids until they talked to each other about it first.
While reflecting on her journey, Beth explained that she and Bill had reached a point in their relationship where ‘communication issues’ had begun to ‘effect their ability to parent well.’
‘That’s when we started talking about, “Would it be better for the kids if we weren’t married?”‘ she recalled.
‘But we both felt super guilty and worried because we only knew the traditional model of [divorce], with kids going back and forth and it adding a lot of stress in their lives.’
She said she came across the co-parenting method known as nesting in celebrity divorce attorney Laura Wasser’s book, and right away, it seemed like a perfect fit for them.
Both she and Bill have now found new partners. He re-married a ‘lovely woman who has been really supportive of nesting’ last fall, while Beth is engaged to a new man (seen)
‘He was really supportive and I think it was because he also was divorced and had a young child,’ she dished of her fiancé. She and her fiancé are pictured above
‘As soon as I read it, it was just like a lightbulb went on. Like wow, I hadn’t even thought of that, that’s a great idea,’ she remembered.
‘Baby birds stay in the nest and the parent birds fly in and out to take care of them. It’s a similar concept but for humans. The kids stay in one home and the parents come in and out to take care of them.’
When it came to the benefits, Beth said the system meant that her kids never went through the trauma of a messy split.
She told DailyMail.com: ‘I’m a big fan of therapy so the first couple of years after the divorce, I had them seeing a therapist and after a year or so she said, “I just want you to know that your kids are the only kids of divorce that I’ve ever seen who never mentioned the divorce.”‘
Both she and Bill have now found new partners. He re-married a ‘lovely woman who has been really supportive of nesting’ last fall, while Beth is engaged to a new man, who was also completely on-board with the situation.
‘He was really supportive and I think it was because he also was divorced and had a young child,’ she said.
‘While nesting didn’t work in his circumstances, he really respected the motivation behind it and putting the kids first. He’s got a kid-first approach to his life.’
She and Bill eventually sold their apartment.
Beth now lives with her fiancé when she’s not at the family home with her kids, while Bill stays with his wife.
She recently released a book about their experience, entitled Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home, and started a website with resources for people who are nesting, called FamilyNesting.Org.
She hopes that sharing what they went through will inspire others going through a divorce to consider the unconventional method as well.
‘I just wanted to help people and [inspire them to] think about it. It would probably work for a lot more people who don’t even realize it’s an option or haven’t thought about it,’ she concluded.
Read Original Article: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11970739/Mother-three-shared-apartment-ex-husband-taking-turns-watching-kids-family-home.html
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